Paint Dry Sports

Paint Dry Sport (n) – Any sport that is about as exciting to watch as paint drying.

Almost two weeks ago I had just gotten home from the airport and was trying to stay up late enough to dull the effects of jet lag. My roommate had to go out to give a tour to the new staff in the early afternoon, so I flipped on the TV to see if I could find something exciting enough to keep me awake.

One of the channels we get in English here is British Eurosport, which is also commonly referred to as Paint Dry Sports Channel.

When I first flipped it on, they were broadcasting a ski jumping competition. And no, this wasn’t a rerun from December. It was live. And they weren’t jumping on a snow-covered peak, they were landing on something resembling AstroTurf. Now maybe I’m just narrow-minded, but winter sports have a clearly defined season…It’s called winter. I realize that ski jumping is one of the few sports that Austrians are actually good at, but seriously…

I waited out the ski jumping and was rewarded with…wait for it…wait for it…race walking. Now you should know that I number among those who consider it a travesty race walking is considered a competitive sport by anyone. It ranks right up there with synchronized diving and rhythmic gymnastics as sports people should not have won Olympic medals for. I mean the very term “Race Walking” is an oxymoron. It’s not a race if you’re walking! Race walking is what 3rd graders do when you tell them not to run in the hall. You should not get a medal for that. Ever. And even if you are misguided enough to give people medals for walking fast, you should never, ever show these “competitions” on tv. I would seriously rather watch sprinters warm up for the 200 meter dash. Guess what’s on next?

*Sigh* I miss ESPN.