This past Sunday, one of the Psalms read was Psalm 4. Well this one was kind of sung actually, but that's another story.
A few of the verses really hit home with me:
5 Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, And trust in the LORD.
6 Many are saying, "Who will show us any good?" Lift up the light of Your countenance upon us, O LORD!
7 You have put gladness in my heart, More than when their grain and new wine abound.
I find that too often I am stressed out about finances, especially recently. Starting a grad program this summer is sinking me further in debt and sometimes I wonder what I'm doing. Trying to live a normal life on a shoestring budget is often exhausting and I just get tired of cutting corners on everything. And with the dollar's recent downward trend, I have even more corners to cut.
I'm almost 28 years old. I have no savings, no retirement plan, student loans leftover from undergrad, nothing to fall back on. My mom bugs me about not getting married, but I think, how could I possibly support a family when I can barely provide for myself? Anytime I want to do something like travel or pay the registration fee for softball, I am relegated to eating mostly peanut butter sandwiches for a few months.
But then I read this Psalm, and I know that I need to be more diligent about trusting in the Lord. But more than that, verse 7. The joy that God puts in my heart is greater than the joy of having plenty. Think about that for a second. How much of our lives revolves around acquiring money? How much do you worry about it? Isn't it odd that it never seems to matter exactly how much money you make either? It could be $20,000/year or $100,000/year. Either way you're still worrying about how to make ends meet.
So really I should be seeking God and the joy He brings instead of worrying about the future and how I'm going to pay for it. Being content with what I have and being anxious for nothing is the key to joy, so why is it that I so crave the comfort of a stable income?
God has never let me go hungry. He has always provided my every need, but often instead of using that as evidence to trust Him I find that my doubt persists. I think my doubt persists because I know that I am unable to meet my needs, and that is a bit of a scary place to be. Either God comes through or He doesn't, and if He doesn't I'm living on the street. The thing is though, He always comes through. So I should just get used to expecting that.
Sounds simple, right?