Dating Coach

So I came across this article on the main page of Yahoo while procrastinating my final class project and doing laundry, and probably some other things.

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/dating-advice_man-codes

I’m not sure that this article is particularly insightful. All she does is point out good and bad characteristics of guys in popular movies and give these characteristics dumb names. I mean do you really need someone to tell you that a guy who openly sleeps around with multiple women or sits on the couch in his boxers and plays video games all day doesn’t really value you or your relationship? Or, conversely, that a romantic guy you connect with on an intellectual and emotional level might be a good match? I guess it never hurts if the guy has superhuman strength and can “leap tall buildings in a single bound.” But I digress…

The real reason for this post comes from the author’s biographical blurb at the bottom of the article.

Liz H. Kelly is a dating coach and author of “SMART Man Hunting: The Fast Track Dating Guide for Finding Mr. Right (or Ms. Right).”

First off, how does a book entitled “SMART Man Hunting” possibly help you find Ms. Right?

Second, and most importantly, what exactly is a dating coach? What would one do? Are there dating competitions? Why I am I just finding out about this now? So I’m thinking I need to start a dating team at VCS next year, but I still have a lot of questions about how this works.

Is a dating coach more like a tennis coach where you just watch the date and all of the actually “coaching” comes before and after the date.

Before: “You’re wearing THAT?” or “I think you need a little more product” or “You can’t wear brown shoes with a black belt! Come on! You’re killing me!”
After: “Good first impression, but you really blew it with that movie choice.” or “I can’t believe you ordered spaghetti!” or “Everything was going fine until you tried that ‘fake yawn’ move. Seriously, I think my grandpa was using that move 80 years ago.”

Or maybe more like a football coach where you can give them advice through a microphone in their ear.

“Ok, now make some good eye contact. There you go. Perfect!”
“Fourteen lines!! Fourteen!!! A sonnet has fourteen lines!! And your iambic pentameter is all over the place! Get it together, man!”

Or maybe like a baseball or boxing manager where you can talk to your player between innings or rounds, like carefully scheduled bathroom breaks and such.

Coach: “I can’t believe you chose Terminator 3!”
Datee: “I know. The romantic comedy was sold out and I just panicked.”
Coach: “Calm down, now. Just make sure she grabs your arm during all the scary parts.”

Coach: “A haiku!?!? What were you thinking?!?”
Datee: “It was a good haiku!”
Coach: “Son, it doesn’t matter if it’s the best haiku ever written! You can’t win a girl’s heart with a haiku! They don’t even pull that crap in Japan!”
Datee: *sigh*
Coach: “Chin up, son. Get back in there and tell her that her eyes sparkle like emeralds. That should get you back in the game.”

Well, you get the idea. However it works, I definitely need one of those Dating Coach hats. Let me know if you want to help out. I’ll probably need an assistant coach.