Seven years ago, on a Thanksgiving Day, I made one of the best decisions of my life when Matt and I decided to give this relationship thing a go. In the years since then, we have had some amazing experiences and blessings that have us shouting hallelujahs toward heaven. We have also had some heartaches that brought us face to the ground in brokenness. Always grace.
Shortly after we were married we started trying to build a family. For four years we rode the roller coaster of fertility treatments, pregnancy, and loss. Four miscarriages. Never a “viable” embryo. We decided that the best decision for our family was to stop the fertility treatments. My body was exhausted and our hearts were worn thin. We were told that without the extra help of fertility drugs, there was a less than 1% chance of us becoming pregnant. So much grief. Always grace.
Then, in June of 2012, two weeks before we were to move back to the US, a positive pregnancy test. We headed to the doctor with discussions about the inaccuracies of statistics and percentages. We knew what was going to happen, because we knew what always happens when we get pregnant. As the doctor began the ultrasound he turned to us with tears and said, “Do you see that?” A heartbeat. Amazing grace.
In October of that year we found out we were having a little girl. Our Madeleine Grace. In November we had a doctor’s appointment to check on a concern with her spine. As the doctor started the ultrasound, we knew immediately. No heartbeat. Our Maddie went to meet her Jesus. Grief beyond measure. Always grace.
This I know – our deepest grief is not beyond the reach of God’s redemptive hand. In this last year, I have asked the Lord to show me the redemption he’s working through our loss. His answer has been mighty. It has been gentle. It has been loving. And it has been, always, grace.
This morning, on Thanksgiving Day, I woke up to the most beautiful, most precious answer the Lord has given me to my prayers. The sounds of a brand new life. Matt and I are fostering a sweet little baby girl. She came to us yesterday at just a week and a half old. She came into this world immediately experiencing tremendous grief and great loss. The kind of grief and loss that only the Lord can redeem.ย I cannot wait to journey through life with her. I cannot wait to rejoice in the good and hold her tight through the bad. I cannot wait to see her meet Jesus. I cannot wait for her to learn that it is all, always grace.