Meine Klein Welt

Grief is Sneaky…So is Healing

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My sweet friend Margie encouraged me to join an amazing photography challenge sponsored by My Four Hens Photography. The challenge is to take one photo each week for an entire year. Each week has a theme, and last week’s theme was “Part of Me.” I toyed around with a few ideas before I landed on this picture:

004 {Part of Me}

 

I love this picture for a lot of reasons.

It has Matt in it. He is my whole heart, and he is more amazing to me every day.

It has Miss M. in it. She is my whole heart, and she is more amazing to me every day.

It has Madeleine it. She is my whole heart, and she is missed every day.

 

You see, we chose to have Madeleine’s ashes buried at sea. It gave us both comfort to think that no matter where the Lord may lead us, we will always be able to find our way to water. For those days when grief rises up and we need to sit awhile, to remember her, we will always be able to find water. Taking photos of my family at the ocean gives me a feeling of a complete picture. They are all there.

Here’s the crazy thing. This has been one of those weeks. One of the times when the grief sneaks in and clenches my throat and springs tears at the most inopportune times. AND THEN, God. My sweet Lord who sees my heart and hears my cries, gave me this: In Solemn Ceremony, Duo Carries Out Sacred Burials at Sea for Those Too Easily Forgotten. My dear and precious friend, Lara, wrote this article about the people who scatter the ashes. The people who held our little girl for the last time. One of the things that has tugged at my heart is the wonder. I have wondered if the ones who had this honor, if they knew how sacred it was, if they handled her tenderly. Now I know. Now I have this gift, this answer, this healing piece.

The tears are flowing pretty freely now, but in such a good way. Healing tears. Not the last, I’m sure, but, oh the burden they are lifting.

Adventures in Baby Feeding

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Baby Feeding

Miss M. has been teaching us a lot of things. Here are some of the lessons she has taught us about food.

  • Vegetables are better than fruits.
  • Someone needs to invent Mommy/Daddy and me matching bibs/hazmat suits.
  • Foods that begin with “P” are the best foods. Specifically peas, prunes, and pumpkin.
  • If a baby doesn’t spit up one single time during their first three months of life, they can make up for it later.
  • Babies have lightening quick reflexes. Much faster than parent reflexes. Keep all bowls and spoons at a safe distance.
  • Ice is awesome.
  • If you feed a baby mashed potatoes from El Pollo Loco, said baby will proceed to fill their diaper with something that is the exact color and consistency of wet cement. It is frightening.
  • Bananas are poison. They should be spit out immediately.
  • You should always, ALWAYS, check to make sure the baby is not hungry before putting them to bed at night. If you do not, the perfect storm of hungry and tired will be your punishment. Your very, very loud punishment.
  • Sometimes prunes are your best friend.

I Need the World to Know

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I need you all to know (and give me cheers and accolades) that I used the snot sucker today. What? You don’t know about the snot sucker? It is a rather ingenious invention by the Swedes. You can read all about it here: http://www.fridababy.com/shop/nosefrida Go Sweden!

Some of you reading this right now are already cheering me on. Some of you are crazy, crazy shocked that this happened. Some of you don’t understand what the big deal is.

Here’s the big deal. I don’t do snot. I can’t even stand to blow my own nose. Without exaggeration, this is my reaction to snot, every time.

goonies-hurl-o

 

I’m not kidding. Every time. Matt will confirm. So will almost every student I’ve ever taught. I used to make them blow their noses in the hallway.

The good news is that it turns out my love for Miss M. is mighty strong. She was all kinds of stuffy this morning. Daddy was not here. Total parenting and spousal fail on his part, by the way. So, I gagged, she cried, we got it done. Horrible for everyone.

Let the congratulations start rolling in.

P.S. – I may have been so distraught when I started that I blew into her nose instead of sucking. Please pray that there won’t be any permanent brain damage as a result of that little disaster.

Her Story

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IMG_6522frame

“So, what’s her story?”

We get  asked this question a lot. It’s an interesting question. Most of the folks who ask are people who love our family. People who want to pray for us, and love on us, and know us better. And isn’t that part of knowing, learning one another’s stories?

There are things about her story that are sweet and fun to share. She giggles herself to sleep. She LOVES to cuddle. She thinks her Daddy’s dammit doll is the funniest thing ever.

dammit explained

There are things we cannot share because we’re not allowed.

There are things that are a part of our family story, things we love to share. She got to spend her first week of life with an awesome family that we love and are so grateful to know. Her name means “miracle” because that is exactly what she is. The first time we met her, she snuggled into her daddy like she was home.

There are things about her first family that are not a part of our story. They are not ours to share. One day Miss M. may decide to share some of these things. We want to respect her and her story enough to let her keep these things as close to her heart as she wants. We want her to choose when and if these are things she wants her dear ones to know.

Here’s what we do want to share. Miss M. has two families who love her. She is wanted and adored. And, well, pretty amazing all around.

Here’s what we would ask of those who are just the seriously curious type. If you’re curious about her first family, please pray for them. Please don’t assume things about them. There are a gazillion reasons that children are placed in foster care. You might make a lucky guess as to her first family’s situation, but likely not. And, truly, it serves no good purpose. Just know that they love her. Know that a great way for you to love Miss M. is to love and pray for her first family.

If you want cute, sweet stories about who she is and the things she does every day that make us smile and laugh out loud. Feel free to ask us those questions. We love sharing those things.